June 12, 2007 | Filed under: la famiglia, misadventures
Click here for smokey Quicktime
or click here for sooty Flash!
…you can see forever! Well, not in my Nana’s apartment. You’re lucky if you can see across the room. She’s 86 years old and smokes a pack a day. Years ago, after a series of strokes, my Mother asked the doctor what she could do to help Nana quit. “Quit?”, he said, “why? She’s in her 80’s and loves cigarettes! Let her have SOME joy in her life!” or something like that.
Her walls and ceiling are stained a grubby beige. If her apartment were a sweater in a J.Crew catalog it would be called either “tobacco” or “nicotine”. Her upholstered furniture smells like a biker bar and the paintings have a thin coat of sooty film on them. In Miami, there’s central AC so it’s not like the windows get opened much. Being in that apartment for two afternoons took months off my life. It burns.
My Nana smokes like a stack (or does she?) and wants nothing more in the world than free cigarettes. So we did our part to help her realize her dream while sitting in her hazy apartment listening to On a Clear Day You Can See Forever on vinyl.
That’s what family is for!
My very favorite part of this video is when my Mom describes why she is angry with Philip Morris; NOT because they advised her 86 year old mother that if she cut 10 UPCs per day she’d have her free cigarettes in 20 days (am I the only one who finds that completely appalling?), but rather because most people don’t know what a UPC is, and it is not removed easily. The fact that little old ladies are being coached on how to maintain brand loyalty was sort of lost on her…but then again, she’s smoked since she was a teen.
Man, when they get you, they really get you for life. You’ve come a long way, baby.
This is the last of the Planet Nana series. Hope you’ve enjoyed my family foibles.
June 13, 2007
@ 7:31 am
Thanks for sharing your Nana. Our “Nanny” was about 86 when she passed 3 years ago, didn’t smoke but had the same innocent demeanor. My brother Andrew shot what is probably her last interview when she was still somewhat lucid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aysz7SR2m4E
JC
June 13, 2007
@ 8:28 am
smokin’!
June 13, 2007
@ 12:16 pm
Oh. My God. This was the best video ever. All those UPC codes. All the tobacco grime everywhere. All the effort for free cigarettes. And she doesn’t even smoke them. (Well, actually, she does, she just uses them like incense sticks rather than dragging direct.) Thank you for showing us Planet Nana - funniest place ever.
June 13, 2007
@ 8:16 pm
This KILLED us! Slayed! Slaughtered!
“It’s ok, it’s dead”
June 13, 2007
@ 8:17 pm
This was the perfect ending to your visit! I wish my grandma hadn’t taken the puffs of her cigs. She might still be here.
Despite all the misunderstandings, please enjoy your time with her while she’s still here.
June 14, 2007
@ 5:48 pm
Loved the video. The best part was hearing that she doesn’t actually smoke the cigarettes. I can hardly wait till you go back again.
June 15, 2007
@ 5:57 pm
Ending was perfect… soooo that’s how you can smoke and still be healthy!
June 17, 2007
@ 9:36 am
Oh my!
The Nana Diaries are just wonderful!
June 17, 2007
@ 4:47 pm
Nana is rockin it with that Happy Birthday hat!
-taxiplasm
June 18, 2007
@ 7:51 am
That was so hilarious! Nana is awesome!
June 18, 2007
@ 8:15 am
I hope this isn’t me in another 30 years! Very funny.
June 18, 2007
@ 9:33 am
OMG! My mom has a twin!
What a kickin’ video.
June 18, 2007
@ 11:38 pm
THAT was a fantastic video. Loved it.
June 19, 2007
@ 9:09 am
The stuff in the catalog makes me want to pick up smoking again! Talk about making smoking look glamorous. Your Nana is darling!
June 19, 2007
@ 10:48 am
Your Nana is wild - thanks for sharing her with us. And I love how you and your Mom have the same smile.
June 24, 2007
@ 9:28 am
I hope you don’t mind…but I linked to your post…cracked me up and I wanted to share it…
Di…from where tobacco is king!
June 25, 2007
@ 8:54 pm
I admire her dedication and your patience.
That’s cute.
June 27, 2007
@ 4:00 pm
actually I can’t believe your mom didn’t know what a UPC symbol was….I thought everyone knew that, of course I also worked retail most of my life so…but doesn’t she ever go shopping? I mean that is what they scan the UPC code….
I think I am taking this way to seriously…I will stop now…
July 7, 2007
@ 9:32 pm
I just LOVE your Nana! I’m glad that she doesn’t really smoke them. I had an awesome first week as a newly minted FNP. Now I can get caught up on all of my fave bloggers.
July 13, 2007
@ 4:41 pm
I had a coworker who used to save Camel points from his neighbors. He didn’t smoke, but for some reason, he really wanted to cash in on those free crystal ashtrays. He was very convinced he had arrived at the ultimate scam. “That shit is free!”
Nanas - grams, in my case - are the best.
November 9, 2007
@ 4:11 pm
[…] last visit to Planet Nana down in Miami. My 86 year olf Nana is just too much. She’s sweet and sassy and ornery and funny and can at times be bitingly cruel, but damn, that old broad can […]
August 20, 2008
@ 7:01 am
I laughed out loud and now I am gonna be late for work. Can’t stop.
My Mom smoked 4 packs-and-day and she actually did take a puff which is why she was dead at 63.